Paragraphs for Evaluation II

Paragraph 3:

This sample is an example of poor writing. Well-communicated as it is, the content is weak and wanders from the topic. Initially, the author's claim is that "the power of office has steadily increased since 1867"; throughout the rest of the essay, this point is abandoned and, in fact, contradicted. The first supporting point, that "the decisions of the men who worked with [Macdonald] were often reflections of his individual vision", establishes that even in the past, the Prime Minister has had a lot of power and influence. A logical next step, then, would be to describe how much the influence of the Prime Minister and the government has expanded. Instead, a weakness of government (it has "proliferated into an enormously complicated network of administration") is described. Suddenly, the specific influence of the Prime Minister, who "holds the nation's purse, dominates the Parliament, chooses the men who run the country and is ultimately responsible for their actions", is discussed, with no reference to the power of office on the whole. Concluding weakly, the author states that "the Prime Minister is still easily the most powerful man in the country" (a truism, and quite unrelated to the initial claim) with no supporting evidence, instead arguing that "despite the growing responsibilities of the provinces", the new claim is true. Each of the author's points is well articulated and accurate for the most part, but they form no cohesive argument, making the essay confusing and frustrating to read.